Thomas J. Neuville Ph.D., Author, Advocate, Speaker And Coach

Dr. Thomas J. Neuville PhD., MBA
Author, Executive Coach and Speaker

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The Gift Of Death

One of my favorite newsletters is The Common Thread. It is pieced together by a couple of my favorite people in Pittsburgh, PA.

I enjoy it because it is jammed with stories of families, friends, children, neighbors, struggles and joys. In the December '92 issue (or there about) there was talk of the concept of giftedness. The idea that we all have gifts, and maybe even a special gift to give to others. And that we must give and receive. This of course requires the seeing of ones own gifts and the recognizing of gifts that may come from others.

I received a gift from my dearest friend and Mother on December 30, 1992 at 1:15 P.M. Pacific Standard time. Mom took two short breaths and died while being held securely in my arms. The living room was still, my Mother was gone and I knew I had been blessed. I did not know how, and I do not know yet. It has only been 12 days that I have lived without Mother on earth. I have been busy with funeral arrangements, trustee business and the building of a circle to support my Father.

As I read the Common Thread the stories of birth, children and parents held many insights. I got the urge to say, "And death is filled with insights as well". I assert that we can never truly "know" until the end presents itself. While I take nothing away from the impact of witnessing a birth or being part of neighbors helping neighbors, I simply say, "death is a wondrous part of living and there is something there worth celebrating."

As my family and I organized Mothers clothes, jewelry, kitchen items, and keepsakes we shared much, grew together, cried and embraced the gifts Mother left behind. One was tangible and immediate. The final year of Mothers life she could not eat as her throat was blocked. She always thought that this would pass and she wanted to be prepared. In her desk, her linen chest, her dresser drawers, and throughout the kitchen we found, tucked into corners and hidden for safekeeping; chocolate bars, gourmet, large chocolate bars. We lovingly staked them up as we had found something sacred. And then we ate them.

The second gift is revealing itself daily. I cannot put what has come to my heart into words. When I held Mom in my arms at 1:15 P.M. it was warm, it was intense and it was family love and narrative being passed on. On Christmas day 1992 Mom spoke to each one of her children and her husband about love. She said to Dad "Write down that you love me and the kids then show it so everyone will know", she was fearful that when she could no longer proclaim the family ties we would all fall apart. I share her fear. She would often say, "Call your brother", "Your Father loves you", "Family is very important to your brother". Who now will play that role?

She will never witness the continual growth of her message. Only her death allows us to reflect and act on her greatest gift. These two gifts, reflection and action are Moms legacies and possible only through her death.

When I was younger I would think I could not do this or that because, "What would Mom say?" I would even reason that I would take certain actions when Mom was no longer alive. Now I discover that she is in me and as a result everywhere.

I miss my Mother and will continue to grieve. Because of her gifts I have no fear of losing what she is and what she gives - no person or event can take that away.

Death is a difficult event. Is it always "bad"? With the gifts I received through the death of someone I love, I say death is a glorious part of life worth celebrating.

By Dr. Thomas J. Neuville

Working Together Toward Quality And The Five Fundamental Social Laws

The Gift Of Death

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Changing the Character Of Corporate America: Diversity Lessons From the Disability Movement

About Dr. Thomas J. Neuville

East Penn School Workshop Tackles Community Violence

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Speaker: Nonviolence Begins At Home Emmaus Workshop Focuses On Ways To Make Schools, Communities Safer Parents And Educators Attend

Dr. Thomas J. Neuville Ph.D., MBA
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	Dr. Thomas J. Neuville PhD., MBA Author, Executive Coach and Speaker Articles By The Gift Of Death One of my favorite newsletters is The Common Thread. It is pieced together by a couple of my favorite people in Pittsburgh, PA. I enjoy it because it is jammed with stories of families, friends, children, neighbors, struggles and joys. In the December '92 issue (or there about) there was talk of the concept of giftedness. The idea that we all have gifts, and maybe even a special gift to give to others. And that we must give and receive. This of course requires the seeing of ones own gifts and the recognizing of gifts that may come from others. I received a gift from my dearest friend and Mother on December 30, 1992 at 1:15 P.M. Pacific Standard time. Mom took two short breaths and died while being held securely in my arms. The living room was still, my Mother was gone and I knew I had been blessed. I did not know how, and I do not know yet. It has only been 12 days that I have lived without Mother on earth. I have been busy with funeral arrangements, trustee business and the building of a circle to support my Father. As I read the Common Thread the stories of birth, children and parents held many insights. I got the urge to say, "And death is filled with insights as well". I assert that we can never truly "know" until the end presents itself. While I take nothing away from the impact of witnessing a birth or being part of neighbors helping neighbors, I simply say, "death is a wondrous part of living and there is something there worth celebrating." As my family and I organized Mothers clothes, jewelry, kitchen items, and keepsakes we shared much, grew together, cried and embraced the gifts Mother left behind. One was tangible and immediate. The final year of Mothers life she could not eat as her throat was blocked. She always thought that this would pass and she wanted to be prepared. In her desk, her linen chest, her dresser drawers, and throughout the kitchen we found, tucked into corners and hidden for safekeeping; chocolate bars, gourmet, large chocolate bars. We lovingly staked them up as we had found something sacred. And then we ate them. The second gift is revealing itself daily. I cannot put what has come to my heart into words. When I held Mom in my arms at 1:15 P.M. it was warm, it was intense and it was family love and narrative being passed on. On Christmas day 1992 Mom spoke to each one of her children and her husband about love. She said to Dad "Write down that you love me and the kids then show it so everyone will know", she was fearful that when she could no longer proclaim the family ties we would all fall apart. I share her fear. She would often say, "Call your brother", "Your Father loves you", "Family is very important to your brother". Who now will play that role? She will never witness the continual growth of her message. Only her death allows us to reflect and act on her greatest gift. These two gifts, reflection and action are Moms legacies and possible only through her death. When I was younger I would think I could not do this or that because, "What would Mom say?" I would even reason that I would take certain actions when Mom was no longer alive. Now I discover that she is in me and as a result everywhere. I miss my Mother and will continue to grieve. Because of her gifts I have no fear of losing what she is and what she gives - no person or event can take that away. Death is a difficult event. Is it always "bad"? With the gifts I received through the death of someone I love, I say death is a glorious part of life worth celebrating. © Copyright 2002 Dr. Thomas J. Neuville Ph.D., MBA By Dr. Thomas J. Neuville Working Together Toward Quality And The Five Fundamental Social Laws The Gift Of Death Being In A Fog Changing the Character Of Corporate America: Diversity Lessons From the Disability Movement About Dr. Thomas J. Neuville East Penn School Workshop Tackles Community Violence Real Jobs Are Rare When Bolt Sorting Is The Norm MU/Country Day Host Learners Forum Speaker: Nonviolence Begins At Home Emmaus Workshop Focuses On Ways To Make Schools, Communities Safer Parents And Educators Attend Dr. Thomas J. Neuville Ph.D., MBA Press Kit Press Releases Resume Articles By And About Letters Of Reference Topics Specific And General Services Client Reference Keynotes And Other Conference Presentations

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